The Fixed Point

Bonhoeffer always seemed to me to spread an atmosphere of happiness and joy over the least incident and profound gratitude for the mere fact that he was alive. He was one of the very few persons I have ever met for whom God was real and always near. One Sunday, April 8, 1945, Pastor Bonhoeffer conducted a little service of worship and spoke to us in a way that went to the heart of all of us. He found just the right word to express the spirit of our imprisonment, the thoughts and the resolutions it had brought us. He had hardly ended his last prayer when the door opened and two civilians entered. They said, “Prisoner Bonhoeffer, come with us.” That had only one meaning for all prisoners-the gallows. We said goodbye to him. He took me aside: “This is the end, but for me it is the beginning of life.” The next day he was hanged in Flossenberg.

If I can meet any men from the 20th century, it has got to be Dietrich Bonhoeffer. I can not read his books without being overwhelmed by the feeling that I am not only encountering an important theological contribution but also the closest living example of how Jesus Christ himself must have been like. That is not a praise lightly given. Thank God for men like Bonhoeffer.

“The Christian dies daily, but although this may mean suffering and decay in the flesh, the inward man is renewed day by day. The only reason why the saints have to die in the flesh is that Christ through the Holy Spirit has begun to live his life in them. The effect of Christ and his life on the saints is that they die after the flesh. There is no need for them to go out of their way to look for suffering: indeed that would only mean a return to the self-assertion of the flesh. Every day Christ is their death and Christ is their life.”

-Dietrich Bonhoeffer

Lately, I’ve been receiving many inquiries regarding a specific expectation I have for my future wife, namely whether I expect her to dress nicely. Due to word of mouth, much of what I’ve said has become vastly distorted. For example, people have been asking me if I expect my wife to wear nice clothing when walking around the house. Someone even asked me if I expect my wife to dress up before going to sleep. Now, to be honest, I would be thrilled if my future wife wears pretty clothing all the time, but, in reality, that’s not how it really works. I know that to be true because I don’t look presentable at all times. I don’t gel my hair and wear a tuxedo before going to sleep. I don’t wear a suit when cooking. Hence, any rumors of me expecting my wife to wear a dress while sleeping or cooking are false. I simply expect her to put a decent amount of thought into her physical appearance and to look presentable in the appropriate situations.

I have also been asked whether I believe that my future wife is somehow physically unattractive if she doesn’t wear attractive cloth. Now, I’m going let everyone in on a secret: physical attractiveness is a decisive factor in how guys choose their future wives. I know this is not the way Christian men are supposed to pick their spouse, but this is just reality. Go ask any man and he will confirm this unfortunate fact of life. So to go back to the question, no, I don’t believe she would be physically unattractive without attractive clothing, because the fact that I am married to her presupposes the fact that I already find her attractive.

So, by now, people are wondering why I even have this expectation. After all, aren’t Christians supposed to be modest in their physical appearance? Isn’t he supposed to be attracted to her godliness rather than physical appearance? I assure everyone here: I did not set this expectation because I want a good-looking wife. There is, at the bottom, a biblical reason behind all of this.

Let me tell you about my mother, one of the most modest women I know. She has shattered all of my preconceptions of a modest woman. She spends a tremendous amount of money on brand name clothing. She spends meticulous efforts on her physical appearance, such that each part of her attire complements another. When we are at social gatherings, people flock to her. Her clothing is such that it attracts attention. So how then, can she be called a modest woman?

This confusion stems from a fundamental misunderstanding of modesty. You see, modesty does not simply encompass covering our bodies properly. God did not tell us to hide ourselves. He calls on us to be the light of the world. He called us to be a city set on a hill. As with all of God’s commands, true modesty shine before all, so that it may glorify God. When God calls on us cover ourselves in modesty, he is not telling us to hide ourselves, but rather he is calling on us to cover our own righteousness. An immodest woman shines because she displays her own pride and righteousness. A modest woman shines because she displays the righteousness of God. Modesty isn’t simply diverting attention away from oneself. It takes that attention and diverts it back to God.

So why is my mother one of the most modest woman I know? Because her clothing displays the kind of God she worships. When my mother is at church, people flock to her because they can see that her God deserves her best. When my mother is in public, people flock to her because they can see that her God has dignified her. They see that there is something that sets her apart from the way she carries herself. Jesus said that the true way is narrow and the false way broad. To give little heed to our physical appearance – and, in the process, obscure the Light of God – that is the broad way. Paying meticulous attention to our physical appearance, living up to the high standard that God has set for us – and, in the process, to be completely unconscious of it– that is the narrow way, and Jesus has said that the narrow way is the true way.

I expect my future wife to be thoughtful about her clothing because true modesty shines and attracts attention, not because it displays her righteousness, but because it displays God’s righteousness. There is nothing more immodest than someone who does not put decent consideration into their clothing. They may be properly covered, but they simply divert attention away from their clothing to the fact that they look like a bum. True modesty always diverts the attention back to God. True modesty always glorifies God.

Allow me now to now divert attention away from my future wife and onto the men of Harvest. I am thankful for the men at Harvest who have been putting effort into being presentable at church.  However, there are many who come into the presence of God looking like they’re going to a lecture. When people see them, they see someone who doesn’t think highly of God. Why is it that we all know how to appear dignified when we go on that special date with a girl, but when it comes to God, we seem to be oblivious? Our clothing tells everyone what kind of God we worship. If we come to God in an undignified manner, our God must not have a high place of worship in our hearts. So in this way, the light of God is obscured by our immodesty. Let us strive to be a church that worships God through our clothing.

I’ve always thought that I lead an inordinately exciting life, that is, until I read Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand. Except for a few years in China, I’ve spent almost my entire life in Cupertino and La Jolla, which is about as vanilla a location as you can get. While the rest of the world is being lit ablaze in riots and protests, La Jolla will continue to be the sleepy suburban resort it has always been.

I am not downplaying people’s ministries, but sometimes I wonder if the Reformed Churches in America, for all their talks of God’s sovereignty, truly understand God’s sovereignty and grace. After all, it takes little faith to trust in God’s sovereignty when we don’t have to worry for our next meal. It is easy to proclaim the grace of God when we don’t have to wonder if we’ll still be alive the next morning. None of us, thanks to our parents, will ever truly experience what it feels like to depend on God’s promises alone. I don’t know what Louis Zamperini’s theological distinctions are, but after reading about his life in Unbroken, I know that this is the man whose teaching I want to sit under. This man not only believes in the sovereignty of God, but has experienced it in ways that we can’t begin to fathom.

Unbroken is about the life of Louis Zamperini, whose life seems destined to be made into a Hollywood film. Growing up, he was the neighborhood kid that all the police knew. When people’s stuff disappears, they’d know right away that it had been Louis. He was the kid that we all knew would be trouble before he even speak a single word. Since he was always running away from the police, he became lightning fast and eventually qualified for the 1936 US Olympics team in the 5000 meter dash, even briefly encountering Adolf Hitler in the process.

The World War 2 happened. Louis, like many other man his age in the 1940s, was drafted into the US Air Force and sent to fight Japan. Some people know that I am obsessed with WW2 history. I love Hillenbrand’s detailed description of the military life and the WW2 airplanes, namely, the B-24 bomber. Then, in summer of 1943, ironically while searching for the survivors of another plane crash, Louis’ plane experienced mechanical failure and crashed in the middle of the Pacific Ocean.

This is where the story starts to become unbelievably insane. Drifting on a tiny yellow raft, Louis and two other survivors drifted for 47 days in the Pacific Ocean. Although one of the survivors eventually succumbed to starvation, Louis and Phil managed to survive while the raft drifted nearly 2000 miles west into the Japanese territory. They would get water by filling up tiny tin cups with water whenever it rained. There was one crazy story where Phil, one of the other survivors, managed to strangle an albatross that decided to take refuge on the tiny raft. Using the albatross as bait, Louis managed to catch a four foot long shark, haul it into the raft, kill it by stabbing it in the eyes, then using a piece of glass to cut it open. Apparently, the liver is the only part of the shark that can be eaten raw, so Louis and Phil had raw shark liver that day.

Eventually, Louis and Phil managed to drift onto a Japanese occupied island. However, given how the Japanese treated the POW prisoners, one wonders if Louis might have been better off if he had not been “rescued”. He was sent to a labor camp, where he attracted the attention of the sadistic Matsuhiro Watanabe, a prison warden at the camp. Louis was beaten daily to the point of death. Louis lost nearly 100 pounds and when finally rescued by the American forces, was but a shadow of his former self. After returning home, he got married and had a kid. However, as with many former POW, Louis was haunted by the deep shadow that the war experiences cast over his life. He became an alcoholic and even resorted to beating his wife. His life hit an all time low when his wife decided to leave him.

At the risk of spoiling this book any further, I will, at this point, tell you to go and buy this book at Amazon, or you can borrow my Kindle and read it. For those that love WW2 history, you will love this book.

For those that don’t mind the story being spoiled, I will give the ending away.

Just at the time that Louis’ life hit rock bottom, Billy Graham’s massive crusade came to California. Louis, having been embittered by the experiences of life, refused to have anything to do with God. In a demonstration of God’s obstinate pursuit of his people, Louis’ estranged wife was converted by Billy Graham and through persistent pleading, convinced Louis to attend Billy Graham’s crusade. Louis was transformed by the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Eventually returning to Japan and forgiving the Japanese guards who had abused him.

Unbroken is an amazing story of God’s love overcoming the worst of this world and transforming a man who, by all standards, had been considered dead. Normally, we’d expect a story like this to end with Louis getting revenge on his Japanese captors, but God had bigger plans. Instead, Louis was overwhelmed by God’s love and decided to forgive his tormentors. What can I do but to praise God?

So some people have asked me why I never update my blog. I’m sorry for the long delay. I got too caught up in ministry, academic, and life in general. By this point, I have finished reading Christianity and Liberalism, but don’t feel like reading through it again to summarize. Besides, I’ve come up with better things to talk about! I got a Kindle! I will be reading through massive amounts of books which I promise are not technical in nature. Then I will review the books through my blog.

Here is a list of some of the books I plan on reviewing:

Adopted For Life

Unbroken

Cost of Discipleship

Also, I’ve decided that I won’t exclusively talk about books anymore. I thought that might dull people. My first review should be up within a few days. Thanks

I can’t speak for other people, but it seems to me that there is an unspoken, long standing rule at Harvest that people are only allowed to sit with people of the same sex. I know some people will deny that such a rule exists, but it does exist. I noted an interesting exchange during one post-FNF in which many Harvesters were sitting at a table. As usual, the women were sitting on one side and the men on the other side with an open seat on the women’s side. One brother decided to join our table. However, instead of taking the open seat, he made everyone move over one seat so that he can sit with the guys. Sometimes, I wonder if I missed a passage in the Bible saying that it is a sin not to have men sitting next to you when in the presence of women, but I digress.

One day, after some consideration, I decided that at the next post-FNF, I will attempt to sit with members of opposite sex, talk to them, and actually get to know them, which, from my understanding, is what a normal brother and sister relationship is suppose to be like. When I got to post-FNF, I found, as I expected, the brothers and sisters segregated at separate tables. After ordering my food, I spot opening at the girl’s table and made up my mind to sit there. As I got closer to the table, I can’t help but get the feeling that I am achieving something unprecedented. You see, I am going where no men has gone before. Just as I am almost there, suddenly, I felt a strong foreboding force pushing me back, preventing me from going any further. I think Job 38:11 most adequately explains what I was feeling: “Hitherto shalt thou come, but no further”. Before I know it, I am back at the men’s table.

I was bothered by the event, but I could not place on my hands on why. It was not until I got back home that I finally realized the reason. You see, the event reminded me of Frodo Baggins’ trek on top of Mount Doom to destroy the One Ring. Some of you may think this is a joke and in retrospect, it’s not a clear connection, but let me explain. For those of you who haven’t read or seen Lord of the Rings, let me bring you up to speed. Frodo Baggins is a Hobbit who lives in Shire. In summary, Frodo had to go deep into the land of Mordor, scale Mount Doom, and throw the ring into the lava. The closer Frodo got to Mount Doom, however, the weaker he got. Eventually, as Frodo reaches the peak of Mount Doom, he was overwhelmed by the power of the Ring and decided to keep it instead of destroy it. Out of respect for those few people have not read or seen LotR, I will not spoil it. Now, why did my fail attempt at talking to sisters reminded me of Lord of the Rings? You see, I, too, had a conviction, but as I got closer to my target, my conviction became weaker. Just as I was about to reach my destination, I became overwhelmed and went against my convictions. In some respect, it’s an amusing connection, but I find that there is something troubling about the fact that my interaction with sisters reminds me of Mount Doom.

So by this point, I am on the verge of insanity. I decided, to prove to myself that I am not insane, that I must ask other brothers what their experience is with regards to sitting with the opposite sex. Now, to be fair, no brothers I’ve ever talked to has experienced a “strong foreboding force”. However, they talk of how having a strong conviction to grow closer to sisters, yet feeling a sort of “atmosphere” that straitjackets them. I can’t speak for what the women sees, but I see an atmosphere that draws such a fine line of what is appropriate and not appropriate between members of the opposite sex that many brothers either give up or are afraid to interact with sisters in any meaningful capacity, unless they be branded as a shady people. The result is that interaction brothers and sisters become so restricted that any expectation of moving beyond the superficial and into a deeper relationship, where the whole church uplifts, encourages, and edifies one another, is unrealistic. This atmosphere slowly weakens our convictions, whittle us down, and then overwhelm us when there is nothing left.

I understand that we need to be discerning about our behavior, but there is something deeply wrong when my interaction with sisters conjure up images of Frodo Baggins ascending Mount Doom. There is something deeply wrong when I can’t remember the last time I see a desegregated Harvest. The Gospel breaks down all racial, social-economic, and sexual barriers. Where there is segregation within the church, the Gospel ceases to be central. I am grateful for this week, because the FNF messages as well as my small group lesson were on the fear of Man. The root of this issue is the fear of Men. We are so afraid of being perceived as inappropriate that we remove ourselves from the presence of others, but the Bible calls on us to love instead of fear people. I don’t know how the sisters think, so I can’t say anything about them. For the men, it’s time we seek the approval of God instead of people. If you are in ministry, use it as an opportunity to serve your sisters. If you are a small group leader, serve your sister small groups. If you are not in a ministry, then man up and do what you can to serve your sisters when the opportunities arrives. It’s time we mean what we say and follow through with the talks of being leaders.